Still a Virgin in your Twenties? Some Advice…

So you’re in your twenties? Perhaps you’ve graduated from or are at university, you’ve passed your driving test, maybe moved out from home and working. However, there is one thing that hasn’t happened. You have yet to have sex. This may be out of choice for religious or personal reasons, which is fine and great. However, if it isn’t out of choice it maybe playing on your mind, hurting your confidence and might even be stopping your from feeling like you’re a ‘real adult.’

It does mess with your mind, I agree as from my experience you end up hating drinking games, especially ones like ‘Never Have I Ever’, as they always end up sexual which makes it difficult to take part to the point you don’t want to as you cant join in. This may mean you lose social time with friends or even a new group of people. However, as someone who is in this position, I am able to offer some advice for those of you feeling down or bad about it due the societal pressures many of us may feel to lose it well before our twenties, and in many ways are expected to. 

Don’t do it until you’re ready 
As I’d advise anyone, no matter how old you are, don’t do it until you’re ready. Yes, it may seem you’re falling behind socially if all your friends are sexually active, but if you don’t feel ready, don’t as you will be ready one day and it you are more likely not to regret it, which leads me to my next point.

You’re more likely to not regret your first time 
How many times have you heard your friends other say that they regret their first time and wish they hadn’t lost it then? Too many times in my experience. This is something you are unlikely to do as you’re older and more emotionally mature than you were in your teens when many of your friends lost theirs. Therefore you’re more likely to be sure you want to lose it and to who as well.

Friends may take the mick but they don’t really care (or shouldn’t)
Maybe this is more relevant for guys, who on occasion may take the mick out of a mate who is a virgin. In reality though, they don’t care, nor they should. In all honesty, it has shocked them that I am, and towards the end of uni, some of them were wondering what girls they could hook me up with every time we went out. As well as this, if they do care about you being a virgin, are they really a friend? 

Don’t let it define who you are 
You may (like I did), let it start to define who you are, but you really shouldn’t as it’ll just make you feel down and depressed. Let the other accomplishments and milestones you have already achieved define you. Having sex is just a life milestone you haven’t reached yet – just like people in their 20s who havent passed their driving test. They are both things which we are expected to have done by our 20s. This feeling will only be worse if you let it define you and your worth as a person. If you let other things scubas accomplishments define you, you will be more confident and in turn more likely lose it. 

It does have its advantages 
At the end of the day being a virgin and/or not sexually active does believe it or not have its benefits. You don’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancies or STI’s or having to worry about carrying contraceptives on you etc For the former, I’d rather be a virgin than to have had STIs or even a baby at 23. 

I hope that small advice is helpful to some of you, and remember, it will happen it its own time and you shouldn’t worry about it or care what others think, as most dont care and for the ones that do, are usually quite insecure about themselves so feel like they have to put others down to give themselves some form of self-validation.